Picking Up The Pieces
by Makino
Summary: Now in her mid-twenties, Makino meets up with faces from the past after a tragic accident. Co-authored by; Makino and deDanaan
1. Shattered

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker  
  
(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)  
  
  
  
1 Chapter One  
  
Shattered  
  
   
  
His fingers gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white. What was he doing here? What on earth possessed him? He straightened up finally and took a deep breath. "If I don't do this now, I don't think I ever will." He muttered to himself. He shouldered his way out of the car, slammed the door behind him without looking back, and crunched his way through the autumn leaves to the tall wrought iron gate. He paused for a second with his hand on the gate, debating whether or not to go through with it, before stepping into the graveyard beyond.  
  
He walked down the rows, looking for the grave and finally found it. He set the flowers he'd brought on the ledge, next to the incense burner, and stood back solemnly gathering his thoughts as he read the name carved into the stone. "Where do I begin?" he wondered. He looked around to see if there was anyone else there and was relieved to see he was alone.  
  
"You never knew me, but I know all about you." He addressed the stone. "You can't know how jealous I still am of you. That's why I'm here today, actually. I want to make peace with you and let you know what I have planned." As he spoke, he felt as if a weight was lifting from him. "I want to marry her. I want to protect and love her. I don't ever want to see her hurt again." He ran a hand through his hair as he searched for the words to say to this man who would always cast a shadow over his life--a thing he was still struggling to come to terms with. "I'd like to think I have your blessing, after all, we both want to see her happy, don't we?"  
  
The stone was silent and he wasn't sure he had the blessing he wanted, but he had come and made his peace. After a silent prayer he turned and walked back along the path to the gate, his steps crisp from the sound of dead leaves being crushed underfoot.  
  
**********  
  
"I understand." Tsukasa hung up the handset. He stood in place for a moment, shocked to have heard Yuuki's voice after all these years, before slowly turning around and facing his comrades.  
  
"M…Makino…." Rui, Soujirou and Akira turned as he uttered her name, they hadn't heard him mention that name a long time and looked up to see what was going on, all of them noting the colour had drained from his face.  
  
"Tsukasa, what's wrong?" Akira yelled urgently.  
  
"I have to go to her." his voice trembling, his head hanging.  
  
"Why?" Rui questioned. "Why after all this time, what has happened?"  
  
Tsukasa didn't answer their questions--instead, he grabbed his keys off the table and bolted for the door. The F3 followed in hot pursuit but their efforts didn't pay off. All they could hear was the Ferrari's engine revving and the squealing of tires fade as the sleek black car sped from the driveway and out of sight.  
  
"What the hell was that about?" Akira grimaced.  
  
"I don't know." Soujirou replied. "But I think we'd better find out and fast. And I know just who to call." Soujirou reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He began hammering on the keypad and waited for a reply on the other end.  
  
**********  
  
A young woman stood alone in a small room, leaning against the large cold window. Tears were streaming from her burning red eyes as she whimpered like a lame animal. Another young woman entered the room, approached with a cup of steaming hot tea, and handed it to her friend.  
  
"Tsukushi-chan, drink this."  
  
As Makino Tsukushi reached for the tea she was surprised by loud ringing, and let go of the cup, watching helplessly as it fell from her hands to the floor spilling every last drop. Strangely though, the cup itself hadn't shattered, unlike her heart.  
  
"Gomen ne, Tsukushi." Her friend reached down and grabbed the cup, "I'll bring you another and I'll be back to clean this up." Tsukushi starred blankly as her friend disappeared from the room. She turned around and embraced the window as if every fibre of her being needed its support.  
  
"Shit! I forgot to switch it off." The young woman stepped into the corridor and through the exit door frowning as she saw the sign that clearly read, CELLULAR PHONE USE PROHIBITED IN HOSPITAL. Once outside she frantically searched for the source of the ringing and whipped a cell phone out from her purse.  
  
"Moshi moshi."  
  
"Yuuki?" The voice on the other end questioned.  
  
"Nishikado-san, is that you?"  
  
"Hai, sorry to bother you but Tsukasa just got a call about Makino and took off like a bat outta hell. What's happened?"  
  
Yuuki fell silent for a few moments, as if lost in her own little world.  
  
"Yuuki! Yuuki! Are you still there?"  
  
"Ah…hai…gomen…I…It's just I'm a little surprised to hear your voice. It's been such a long time."  
  
"Yuuki, what's going on? Please tell me."  
  
"Gomen!" Yuuki snapped out of her dazed state and began to fill Soujirou in.  
  
Tsukasa ran down corridor after corridor, plowing into nurses and orderlies as he did so, "Sumimasen" the only word he could muster. He continued his pace until he saw the door at the end of the hall. He slowed to a screeching halt as his shoes scuffed the floor with evidence of his speed. He leaned on the doorframe to catch his breath and to try to regain his composure. He couldn't just run in there after all this time, looking completely disheveled. He needed to be there for her. He needed--no, yearned-- to be her pillar of strength. Tsukasa reached for the door handle and entered the room, focusing in on a young woman. She stood at the window, leaning against as if she would drop without it there to hold her up. Her long brown hair hugged the small of her back. She was tall, shapely and slender. "Damn it, I'm in the wrong place."  
  
With these words the young woman turned around, she recognized the voice but it couldn't be him. She tried to make out the silhouette that stood before her through clouded eyes.  
  
"D...Doumyouji!?!"  
  
Tsukasa was dumbstruck; he too, knew that voice. He loved that voice. It truly was Makino but she looked so completely different, sophisticated, and so beautiful. It had been a long time since he'd seen her and people tend to grow up, after all. She'd changed a lot in the last eight years, and even thought he'd been seeing her in his mind's-eye every day, the image had been her at seventeen, not twenty-five. She was Makino, yet she was a stranger too. Why had he listened to his mother and sent her home to Japan? It had been the last time he'd done anything his mother asked.  
  
He studied her features, she had been crying, he could see the tears still glistening on her cheeks, her eyes were red and swollen. He had seen her like this before on more than one occasion. But this time he wasn't the cause of her pain. Her features changed, a furrow developed on her brow, a look of shock then took over.  
  
"Doumyouji, What are you doing here?"  
  
Before she could finish her question she felt herself being swept up in a tight embrace. It had been so long since she had felt his strong arms wrapped around her. It felt familiar and peculiar all at the same time. He was warm to the touch and she could feel his breath by her ear. She began to panic, why was he here now, after all this time? She tried to push away from him, but he only pulled her closer.  
  
"Makino, I'm here, you know I'd never hurt you…..go ahead and let it out, let it all out." As he spoke these words she burrowed her face in his chest, she felt her feet fall away from her, and she felt his arms tighten around her, with one quick movement he swooped her up in his arms and carried her over to the sofa in the corner of the room. She nestled closer into him and he held her, stroking her hair, comforting her. She really needed him. No more words were spoken, just the sounds of her crying filled the room. He held her for what seemed a long time, until her sobs had become muted. He looked down at her face and realized she had cried herself to sleep. Her face wasn't serene though, he knew the weight of the world had just fallen on her.  
  
He sat with her for quite a while, still holding her tightly, still stroking her hair, his face filled with thought. A noise came from the other side of the room. He looked up when he heard the door opening, then closing. Yuuki was standing there with a wet rag in one hand and a cup of tea in the other, along with Soujirou, Akira, and Rui.  
  
"How is she holding up?" Rui questioned, a look of concern clearly written on his face.  
  
"How do you think she's doing?" Tsukasa replied. "Her world's been shattered.  Her fiancé was just killed." 


	2. Memory

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker  
  
(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)  
  
  
  
Chapter 2.  
  
Memory  
  
   
  
Doumyouji slipped out from beneath Makino, and gently laid her out on the sofa to get some much-needed rest. He stretched as he stood up and approached the F3 and Yuuki. He began to speak.  
  
"I'm taking her home with me, she shouldn't be alone now."  
  
"Doumyouji, I don't think that's a good idea. My God, I know I was the one who phoned you and everything, but don't you think it's a little much? I mean, she hasn't seen you in eight years and now this!" Yuuki spoke softly. "She'll never go along with it."  
  
"She needs to get things in order, I'll take care of everything. Trust me." And with that Doumyouji walked over to where Makino lay sleeping and lifted her in his arms again. He proceeded to the door, despite Yuuki's protests.  
  
"When he gets something in his head, there's no changing it." Akira spoke.  
  
"Ah, so he hasn't changed at all then." Yuuki replied with a worried look.  
  
"Yuuki, come on!" Doumyouji whispered as he poked his head back through the door.  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"You said it yourself, she'll never go along with it, but if you're there she might at least stay a while. Besides, how can she go back to that place where they lived and loved? Don't' you think being alone there with all her memories is the worst thing for her right now?"  
  
Yuuki couldn't argue with that. And someone had to help her contact the families on both sides and tell them what had happened. And there was Kazuya and the others. They hadn't been filled in on what had happened yet either. Tsukushi was the one the hospital had called because she'd been listed as next-of-kin in her fiancé's wallet and they needed her to identify the body. She remembered how a stricken Tsukushi had asked her to come with her to the hospital as she was afraid to go on her own. Yuuki's stomach had been churning on the way there. How did Tsukushi feel if she felt like that?  
  
If Doumyouji watched over Tsukushi while she slept, Yuuki would be able to get a lot accomplished.  
  
**********  
  
Tsukasa placed Tsukushi in the bed. He pulled off her shoes and tucked her under the covers before pulling up a chair to keep vigil beside her. Watching her stir in her sleep; he knew she wasn't getting any rest.  
  
His heart broke for her and he'd do anything in his power to protect her because the truth was, even after all these years apart, he still loved her deeply. His mother had made him promise to finish school in New York and not return to Japan until he had done so. She had loved him, but couldn't deal with all the shit in his life. Who could blame her, when his mother did the devil's own work, driving a wedge between them. Four years after she went home to Tokyo, he finally finished with his schooling and prepared to take the reins of the Corporate Headquarters of Doumyouji Enterprises. He was finally able to be free of the Hag again and be his own man because he'd be based in Tokyo and the Hag was based in New York.  
  
He had searched for her, hoping to rekindle their love, but it was too late. Too much time had passed and Makino had moved on with her life. She was involved with a man she had met in university. When he found out she was happy, he hadn't been able to approach her--he just buried himself in his work and ignored every prospective bride paraded in front of him by his mother over the past four years. And then he'd seen the wedding announcement in the paper. She was to be married. He'd felt his heart break that day--she had finally found someone she loved enough to marry. That had been a little over a month ago.  
  
Doumyouji placed his head in his hands. "What can I do? I can't fix this." His eyes closed.  
  
**********  
  
Tsukushi began to stir. She opened her eyes and grimaced with pain. She remembered the previous days events. Her beloved Yuusuke was gone. Tears filled her eyes and she rolled over onto her side, to make a shocking discovery.  
  
"DOUMYOUJI!" She placed her hands over her mouth, gasping in disbelief when she remembered. He came to her at the hospital, and comforted her. But what in the name of God was he doing here, or was she doing there? "Shit! I'm at his place." Tsukushi began to feel very uncomfortable as she remembered the last time she had been here. Her thoughts turned to her fiancé again and the last time she had seen him alive.  
  
"Tsukushi, I'm going now!" he had called from the entrance to their apartment. "Come say goodbye properly!" He commanded. He could hear her laughter as she opened the bathroom door. She'd been applying her make-up and came out to meet him with a mascara wand in her hand.  
  
"Yes, master." She intoned gaily.  
  
"Give me a kiss."  
  
"Yes, master." She was smiling as she stepped up to be swept into his embrace. His kisses always left her breathless and she stepped away from him with a dreamy smile playing about her mouth.  
  
"Tell me you love me." He grinned at her.  
  
"You love me." She repeats, the grin she flashed back at him running from ear to ear.  
  
"And you love me too, you brat." He chastised her.  
  
"Yes I do, Yuusuke, I love you so much it scares me sometimes." He'd given her another quick kiss before he had to leave.  
  
She'd been at work when the call came from the hospital. "Makino Tsukushi?" The voice on the other end of the line had asked.  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"This is Doctor Satoshi from Tokyo General calling. I'm afraid I have some bad news about Takahiro Yuusuke………" It had been like a punch in the stomach.  
  
The tears began to fall again.  
  
**********  
  
Tsukasa began to awaken--he slowly lifted his head, it was heavy like lead and he had a cramp in his neck. He sat up and began to massage the offending muscle while yawning at the same time. When he opened his eyes he was a little surprised to find Makino sitting straight up looking at him-- no, it was more like she was looking through him.  
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu." He greeted but she didn't say anything. She just sat there quietly, staring blankly.  
  
A few uncomfortable moments went by before Makino finally spoke up.  
  
"Doumyouji, why am I here? How did I get here?"  
  
"I brought you here last night, you were so exhausted you practically collapsed at the hospital. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."  
  
"Thank you for your kindness, but I really should go." She swung her legs over the end of the bed, determined to leave.  
  
The pair were interrupted by a knock on the door.  "Hai, come in." Doumyouji ordered.  
  
Tsukushi looked up and was very surprised to see who was at the door...it was Yuuki.  
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Tsukushi-chan."  
  
Makino tried her best to be cheery but replied half-heartedly--they all knew it wasn't a good morning at all.  
  
"I'll leave you two to talk, I have a few things I need to take care of." and with that Tsukasa left the room.  
  
Yuuki came over and sat beside Makino, placing her arms around her friend as she did so. She embraced her for a few moments before finally letting go. Would the tears ever stop? 


	3. Loss

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker  
  
(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Loss  
  
   
  
Yuuki had not been idle while Tsukushi slept. She'd gotten a hold of Kazuya and his wife and filled them in on what had happened. They had asked if there was anything they could do and she'd asked them to track down Susumu so he could break the news to Tsukushi's parents because she had no idea herself where her friend's parents were living now. Kazuya had been happy to help out and Yuuki had been grateful as it gave her time to do other things.  
  
She sat on the bed facing Tsukushi and placed a hand in hers before speaking. She had a hard time looking in her friend's eyes because of what was mirrored there. "Tsukushi, what more can I do? Tell me how to help." She asked softly.  
  
"I don't know, Yuuki. I'm numb all over……this is surreal." Tsukushi answered--her voice was quiet, her face pale.  
  
Yuuki placed her other hand on top of Tsukushi's. She didn't know what else to do. "Can I get you anything? Something to drink?"  
  
Makino looked into her friend's eyes. "I need a change of clothes…" she was quiet for so long, Yuuki was sure her friend had nothing else to say--but then, unexpectedly, Tsukushi added, "I can't go to see his mother like this." Her voice began to break as she came to a realization. "Oh, God! How am going to tell her, Yuuki? How do I tell her that her only son is gone? Whatever am I going to say?" Tears welled up in her eyes again as she slid from the bed into a heap on the floor.  
  
"Tsukushi." Yuuki slumped down to the floor and again embraced her friend. "I'm so sorry."  
  
The two women held each other for a while. Yuuki began to stroke Tsukushi's hair. "I'll have to get your brush too. We need to brush your hair." It was almost as if they were children again.  
  
Tsukushi looked up from the spot on the carpet her eyes were fixed upon. "Thank-you, Yuuki. Thanks for being here with me."  
  
"You are welcome…" she replied, wishing yesterday's events had never come to pass.  
  
**********  
  
"Come on, pick up the phone." Akira was getting impatient. It had been three rings already.  
  
"Hai." A sleepy voice responded on the other end.  
  
"Gomen, did I wake you?" Akira looked down at his Rolex. It was 9:00am. He was standing at the wall of windows in his penthouse apartment, looking down at the cool and bright Tokyo morning unfolding beneath him.  
  
"Umm…no, we're just getting up." Came the reply.  
  
"Can I chat with your husband for a sec?"  
  
"Sure…" He heard the phone being handed over.  
  
"Yeah?" A new voice queried.  
  
"Why are you still in bed?" Akira let out a slight giggle. This was so typical of him.  
  
"Oi! We all had a late night."  
  
"I know. I was just trying to lighten things up a bit. Did you tell Shigeru yet?"  
  
"Yeah, that's why we're so tired. We sat up half the night talking. She's really upset at what's happened. Any news?" The man leaned over and brushed the hair back off his wife's face as she lay next to him, intent on the conversation, her eyes serious.  
  
"What can I tell you, Rui, I don't know yet. Soujirou was trying to get a hold of Tsukasa, but he's not answering. I think he's trying to get Yuuki now….."  
  
**********  
  
Yuuki was in the guest room--she had snuck out after Makino had fallen back into an exhausted sleep and left her in Doumyouji's care again. She was going to help her friend, that was without question, but she had really needed to freshen up first because she was so tired she could hardly function. She had just gotten out of the shower when she heard her phone ringing. She dashed over to the nightstand to get it while struggling to wrap herself in a towel. As she flipped open the cell phone she realized she'd grabbed a hand towel. "Great, like this will help." She thought to herself as she answered  
  
"Moshi moshi!"  
  
By the time she was finished with the call, the carpet beneath where she stood was saturated from all the water that had dripped off her in the absence of a robe or decent towel. She put her phone away and quickly dressed. When she had filled him in on what was new, Nishikado had offered to take her to Tsukushi's place to retrieve a few personal effects. She was grateful for his assistance. Neglecting to dry it first, she tied her medium-length hair back in a ponytail and rushed down to the front door to find Nishikado waiting for her in his car.  
  
The drive over to Tsukushi and Yuusuke's place had been a relatively quiet one. Neither really knew what to say and Yuuki's mind was a mess trying to remember everything she needed to get. They pulled up in front of a quaint building and Nishikado parked the car. They got out and walked up a short pathway to stand in front of two highly polished glass doors. Yuuki didn't see the look of mild surprise on Nishikado's face as they walked through the rich marbled lobby to the elevator.  
  
The doors closed behind them as Yuuki pressed the button that would lead them to the fourth floor. After the doors opened to let them out, they walked past a few doorways before Yuuki finally stopped. The number on the door read 406. A little plaque under the number signified it was the Takahiro residence.  
  
"Nishikado." Yuuki looked over at him with concern on her face. "This is weird, coming here now. You know?"  
  
He nodded, he knew just how she felt. "I know, but you have to be strong for Makino's sake. She needs you to be. God only knows how she's holding together." And with saying that, he reached over, put his hand atop her head, and smiled his little smile. "You can do this, Yuuki-chan. I know you can."  
  
Yuuki turned the key in the lock and flinched at the clicking noise it made. Was Nishikado right? Could she really handle being here?  
  
**********  
  
At the Doumyouji estate, Tsukasa once again sat by Makino's bedside. She was tossing and turning but she stayed asleep. Maybe he should go see Tama and get a tranquilizer from the old woman. "She must have something that'll bring her peace." He muttered to himself. He heard a voice from the other side of the door.  
  
"Doumyouji-sama, you have company."  
  
"Who is it?" He asked gruffly.  
  
"Ano…the Hanazawa Family." The servant answered uncomfortably.  
  
"See them to the study. I'll be right there." Doumyouji gazed at the door until the sound of footsteps had faded. He leaned over Makino and brushed the hair back from her brow, hesitating as he realized he'd almost bent to kiss her forehead. "I won't be long."  
  
"Yuusuke." The word softly escaped her lips as she turned over in her sleep. Doumyouji frowned. There was nothing he could do, even in sleep her heart was broken just like his own. He stood up and slipped out of the room. In the hallway he instructed a maid who was walking past him with her arms full of sheets to stand outside the room.  
  
"If you hear anything, you come get me right away. I'll be in the study and shouldn't be long but, just in case." Even as he walked towards the study, he was frequently looking back over his shoulder.  
  
**********  
  
Yuuki opened the door and led the way into the apartment. Soujirou stepped over the threshold behind her and took in the décor. It sure was quite the step up for Makino, he thought, as he remembered some of the places she'd lived in when they were still at Eitoku.  
  
"I'll be right back, I just have to get a few things from the bedroom." Yuuki was seemingly shaken as she walked down the hall. Soujirou was uncomfortable to be left standing in the middle of the entranceway, so he nonchalantly stepped down into a neat sitting room to better scope the place out. Beautiful wrought-iron candelabras holding white tapers were strategically placed in the corner of the room, right next to sliding glass doors leading out to a balcony. He stepped to the glass doors and looked out on the view for a moment before turning back to concentrate on the room. Matching picture frames adorned the walls proudly displaying their contents. Soujirou stepped up to examine them more carefully.  
  
"So, you're the man who won and broke her heart." He murmured as he picked up a picture from one of the end tables that was set on either side of the dark leather sofa. The man staring back at him with dark, smiling eyes and rakish grin was quite handsome. Even Soujirou had to concede that as he set the picture down again.  
  
At every turn Soujirou was in awe to find more pictures of the couple with family and friends. There was one of Makino and her fiancé with Yuuki and another man. He lingered before that picture for a few seconds, wondering in the back of his mind who the other man was. He had moved on now to picture in which they were both dressed in formal wear. He picked it up to get a better look at it. God, but didn't Makino look radiant and happy. Yuusuke had his arms wrapped around Tsukushi and she was leaning back against him with a smile on her face.  
  
"They really loved each other." Soujirou turned to face Yuuki. She took the picture out of his hand and looked down at it. The image made her smile, even as the tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. She remembered when that photo had been taken--it was at Kazuya's wedding last spring.  
  
"I can see what you mean." His eyes swept around the room at all the evidence in support of her statement. "When were they getting married?"  
  
"In April." Yuuki replied as she returned the frame in her hand to its place on the table.  
  
"I'm just about ready to go, but I'm having trouble finding her address book. Can you help me look for it?" He nodded, looking about the room while she went into the kitchen to see if it was there. He found it on a shelf, but it was what he saw sitting next to the book that made him stop and stare. She still has that? He wondered to himself.  
  
"I think I've found it!" He called to her. She came out of the kitchen and took it from him.  
  
"Yes, that's it. Great, let's go!" She walked over to the suitcase to pick it up, but Soujirou reached down and grabbed it first. He waited as she locked the door and they went back to the car.  
  
"So what have you been doing with yourself all these years?" Soujirou asked, making conversation as they wove their way across town through the traffic.  
  
"You'll have to settle for the abridged version." She told him. She wasn't really in the mood to talk. "I'm an administrative assistant at a firm that specializes in corporate law."  
  
"That's pretty impressive." And he was impressed. That's not how he had pictured things in his mind's-eye. "And Makino, what does she do?"  
  
"She's a legal aide. She works for one of the senior partners at the same firm I do."  
  
"And what about Takahiro-san, what did he do?"  
  
"He was a pediatrician at a clinic that specialized in childhood diseases. They met in the university library, of all places, if you can believe it. God, he just loved kids and he always wanted to help everyone……." She trailed off as she recalled Tsukushi excitedly telling her she was getting married and couldn't she just picture how great a dad Yuusuke was going to be to their children.  
  
Soujirou decided to change the subject. "What about you? Is there anyone special in your life?" he asked, his curiosity about the unknown man in the picture prompting the question.  
  
"Not at the moment," she answered quietly, not bothering to elaborate further. They rode in silence the rest of the way to the mansion. 


	4. Breaking Point

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker  
  
(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)  
  
Chapter Four  
  
Breaking Point  
  
Tsukasa entered the study to meet his guests. He pushed open the large oak doors and felt something tugging at the leg of his pants. He looked down to be greeted by a small face beaming up at him.  
  
Tsukasa knelt down so he could be face to face with the toddler. "Konnichi- wa, Eumi-chan!"  
  
"Nich-wa." Came her reply. Hanazawa Eumi was a pretty little thing with a ready smile and hysterical giggle threatening to erupt at any given time who loved to get into mischief. She looked like a miniature version of her mother, but with Rui's eyes.  
  
Tsukasa smiled as he picked Eumi up, and walked over to where her parents were sitting on a long sofa. "She's growing up fast, isn't she? It's hard to believe she's gonna be two." Tsukasa said, before handing her into her mother's arms. The little girl hugged her mother's neck delightedly, babbling half sentences that only her parents understood.  
  
"Poor Tsukushi, she must be a wreck." Shigeru sighed as she thought of her friend. Although they hadn't stayed in contact over the years she often frequented her thoughts, the most recent being when she had seen their wedding announcement in the paper.  
  
"How did it happen?" she added.  
  
"The details are still sketchy but from what I understand, it was a serious car accident. She was the one who identified him." Tsukasa's expression was very solemn. Shigeru looked up at Rui as he wrapped an arm around her waist. She leaned her head on his shoulder, still clutching their daughter.  
  
"I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you! I can't even imagine what she's going through."  
  
"I don't suppose any of us can." He replied.  
  
"Tsukasa, can I go see her?" she asked. He nodded.  
  
"She's asleep right now, so try not to wake her."  
  
Shigeru passed Eumi to her father, stood up, and left the room. As she made her way down the hall, she bumped into Soujirou and Yuuki.  
  
"Shigeru?" Yuuki was stunned to see her. She still looked like the same old Shigeru, except her hair now swept her shoulders.  
  
"Yuuki, I'm so glad to see you!" Yuuki was taken aback by the sudden outpouring of affection--Shigeru, hyper as always, was hugging her to the point of suffocation. "I just wish it could have been under different circumstances." Shigeru released her grip on Yuuki.  
  
"Me too." Yuuki replied.  
  
Shigeru acknowledged Soujirou and told him where the guys were. He handed Yuuki the suitcase and walked off in the direction Shigeru had come from. They watched him leave and continued on to the room where Tsukushi was asleep. They were surprised to find a young maid, holding folded sheets in her arms, standing sentry at the door. "You can go now, we'll take care of her." Shigeru smiled as she dismissed her. The maid staggered off gratefully to finish putting away the linens.  
  
**********  
  
Rui and Tsukasa were talking quietly on the sofa while Eumi stood behind them giggling, pulling at the curly springs on Tsukasa's head. Tsukasa just smiled. There was probably no one else in the world who could get away with what the little girl was doing. They looked up as the door swung open quickly and Soujirou came into the study. Without lifting his head to acknowledge them, he strode past them.  
  
"How did things go? Did she get everything?" Tsukasa queried.  
  
"Yeah, I think so."  
  
Soujirou walked over to the desk where a crystal decanter stood and quickly splashed the contents into a nearby glass. Raising it to his lips he gulped long and hard, before gasping at the strength of the whiskey as it burned its way down his throat. "It was weird there…being in a dead guy's place… with all those pictures of a person I've never met staring at me." He slammed the glass down on the desk and went on, "You know what it was like? It was like being in a fuc…err...damn shrine." He corrected his language when he caught sight of the youngster in the room. Tsukasa and Rui looked at each other. Soujirou was intense. They rarely saw him like this. He was always the cool and collected playboy, always the joker. A little smirk danced across his face as he spoke. "Her life has really changed from when we knew her back in the Eitoku days. Did either of you know she lives in an upscale building for young professionals in downtown Shinjuku?" He leaned back on the desk, gripping the corners before continuing. "She entered the corporate world, and is quite successful too from what Yuuki has told me. She's an attorney…or maybe that's a legal aide--I can't remember which right now--for one of the biggest law firms in Tokyo…..I guess she always has had a talent for arguing." He lapsed into silence again, turning to eye the decanter behind him on the desk. As he poured himself another whiskey, he told them what he had found out about Takahiro Yuusuke. "Her fiancé was a well liked and highly respected pediatrician. He worked at a renowned clinic that specializes in childhood diseases." He watched their reactions as he filled in even more details.  
  
"According to Yuuki, they were getting married at Cherry Blossom Time and were eagerly anticipating starting a family." He noted the frown quickly appear and almost as quickly disappear on Tsukasa's brow at his last comment.  
  
**********  
  
Akira had let himself into the mansion. It seemed pretty quiet and he wondered where everyone was. He stood in the foyer next to the door, thinking for a few moments about the whole unpleasant situation. Suddenly he was surprised by a painful blow to the back of his head. "What was that?" he winced as he raised a hand to rub the back of his skull and turned around to see bags being flung through the door. He narrowly avoided another that flew in his direction. Now he knew what had hit him.  
  
"Why the hell don't you watch what you're doing?" he yelled angrily through the open door. Before he knew what was going on he was lying flat on his back, seeing stars. He moaned in agony as he took his hand from the back of his head and used it to soothe his throbbing jaw. He tasted blood.  
  
"Watch your mouth, boy, or I'll punch you again." He looked up, astonished to find his assailant was none other than Doumyouji Tsubaki.  
  
"Nee-chan, you're home!" He exclaimed, running his tongue along the inside of his cheek to test the damage she'd done.  
  
"Yes, I'm home, and you'd better learn some manners while you're at it!" She stretched down and helped him to his feet.  
  
"What's with all the bloody bags?" Akira asked, still clutching his jaw-- waggling it back and forth, making sure it wasn't broken.  
  
"I'm moving back here, not that it's any of your business." Akira backed off his line of questioning when she started cracking her knuckles. "Now, where's my brother?"  
  
"I'm not sure, I just got here myself."  
  
"TSUKASAAAA!!!!!"  
  
"Sshh!!!" Akira hissed as he quickly covered her mouth with the palm of his hand, dragged her into the dining room and kicked the door shut behind them.  
  
"OWW!!!! Don't bite me!" He pulled his hand away from her mouth shaking and flexing it. That was twice now in five minutes she'd inflicted an injury on him. "Shit woman! Is this what you did to Tsukasa over the years? No wonder he was so violent." She glared at him.  Akira backed up laughing, covering his face with his hands to avoid being hit again.  
  
"Why did you drag me in here? This isn't any way to treat a lady." Tsubaki scowled as she began straightening her clothes following their scuffle.  
  
"Lady?" Akira thought to himself. "Listen, nee-chan, a lot has happened since yesterday. Sit down at the table and I'll tell you everything." Akira pulled a chair out for her and took the seat facing her. He cleared his throat, "Tsukasa received a phone call yesterday…."  
  
**********  
  
Tsukushi was sitting at the bottom of the shower cradling her legs in her arms, her tears melting into the spray of water streaming from the showerhead as she stared up at it. No matter how hard she tried not to, she kept replaying that scene over and over in her mind.  
  
"Makino Tsukushi?"  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Please follow me." Yuuki helped her up from where they'd been sitting in the waiting area. As they followed the coroner she entwined her hand with Tsukushi, trying to give her strength. This would be the hardest thing her friend would ever face.. He stopped outside a door.  
  
Tsukushi's breathing became labored as she read the sign--MORGUE.  
  
"Are you sure you're up to this, Tsukushi? I can do it if you're not strong enough."  
  
"No, I have to do this, I need to know for myself if it's really him." She released Yuuki's hand and slid past the coroner as he held the door open for them.  
  
Her breath was suddenly visible as she felt the temperature drop. "I…It's so cold in here." She felt the gooseflesh rise all over her body  
  
"Tsukushi, you're shaking."  
  
The coroner walked up to the wall lined with small metal doors. He placed his hand on the handle of one and paused, looking at her before pulling it open. She nodded. As the drawer rolled out, Tsukushi's ears were deafened by the horrid noise it made. Time stood still for her. She knew someone was talking to her but she couldn't understand it, everything was garbled. What were they saying? Yuuki put her hand on her friend's shoulder to steady her when she noticed her swaying back and forth. Tsukushi snapped out of it when she felt her touch. She took in a deep breath and nodded to the coroner to signify that she was ready. At least that's what she'd thought.. The coroner slowly lifted back the bloodstained shroud.  
  
"Tsukushi!" Yuuki cried, anguished.  
  
Tsukushi couldn't move. She stood, rooted to the spot, horrified. Her fears had been confirmed. It was him, it was her beloved Yuusuke.  
  
"Oh, Yuusuke," she had said as her fingers caressed his cheek. She traced her hand along his brow and smoothed his hair. She stood there transfixed on his face for what seemed an eternity. He was smiling. How was that? He looked like he was sleeping. She kissed her fingers and touched them to his lips. They were cool to her touch and she noted they were purple…he must be getting cold. Without realizing, she reached down and grabbed the corner of the shroud, and started to pull on it when she felt a hand firmly grip her arm.  
  
"Makino-san", the coroner warned, "I don't think you need to see that." His words had been the breaking point.  
  
"DON'T TOUCH ME! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!"  
  
**********  
  
"Oh my God, where is she?" Yuuki was frantic as she threw back the duvet hoping to find Tsukushi underneath.  
  
"Look!" Shigeru pointed. "The bathroom door is ajar and the light's on, she's probably in there."  
  
Yuuki dashed over to the door and tapped it. "Tsukushi, can I come in? I brought your things." She called out. There was no reply.  
  
"Tsukushi! Tsukushi!" Still nothing. They listened for a second and heard the hissing sound of water running in the shower. Yuuki swung the door wide open and they were overcome with steam.  
  
"How long has she been in here?" Shigeru asked. "Tsukushi?" she called. Still no answer.  
  
Yuuki opened the frosted glass shower door to find Tsukushi collapsed on the tiles. As she twisted off the tap, cutting off the flow of water, she turned to the woman with her. "Oh God, Shigeru, help me lift her out."  
  
Tsukushi was oblivious to her surroundings, she hadn't heard them enter as her mind kept replaying things over and over.  
  
Shigeru and Yuuki knelt down to lift Tsukushi up. As they reached out and grabbed her upper arms she suddenly sprang to life. "DON'T TOUCH ME! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!" She began screaming at the top of her lungs. She was fighting to free herself from their grasp. "YUUSUKE! YUUSUKE!" she cried shrilly, her voice breaking She was like a madwoman and they struggled to hold onto her but her skin was slick, still wet from the shower. Tsukushi stumbled out of their grasp and landed on the bed. Before they could act she was off the bed and raging, lunging around the room, sweeping everything off the tables and shelves onto the floor. The two witnesses stood stunned for a second..  
  
"YUUSUKEEE!!!!!!" she cried, beginning to sob hysterically.  
  
"Tsukushi! Tsukushi! It's me, it's Yuuki. Come one, snap out of it!" Yuuki began to cry herself. "Onegai, Tsukushi!"  
  
THWACK!!! Tsukushi stopped struggling. Shigeru looked down at the hand she had slapped her friend with. She too was crying.  
  
"Shigeru!!!" Yuuki's tone was chiding.  
  
"Gomen nasai, gomen nasai, I didn't mean to….I didn't know what else to do to snap her out of it."  
  
"It's okay, Yuuki." They looked up as they heard Tsukushi whisper. "I think I needed that. Thank you Shigeru." Shigeru reached for the robe that was hung on the back of the bathroom door and wrapped it around the shoulders of a now complacent Tsukushi. They walked her over to the bed, sat her down, and cried with her. 


	5. Crossroads

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker  
  
(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)  
  
Chapter Five  
  
Crossroads  
  
   
  
Akira and Tsubaki rounded the corner at the top of the stairs, headed in the direction of the study, where the maid had told them they could find everyone.  
  
"So what did you mean when you said you were moving back?" he questioned, remembering when he asked her about all the luggage earlier. "You're not just here for a few weeks holidays?"  
  
"I'm back for good," she answered tersely. "There's only so much a person can put up with." Her expression was guarded and her eyes bitter. Akira knew right away what she was saying. It wasn't hard to read between the lines. He knew her marriage hadn't been particularly happy, but not many upper-class unions were. It was a fact of life. What had happened to bring her home? He was curious.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"No!….yes…..I don't know." She obviously had no idea what she wanted.  
  
"So what happened?" he prodded gently, not wishing to provoke another act of violence. Three times in short succession was quite enough, thank you.  
  
"I'd finally had enough, if you must know." Her reply was low, clipped and even. "I was sick of being a wife in name only to a man who prized me for no other reason but the link I gave him to the Doumyouji empire. I was sick of the indignity of having each and every one of his many mistresses--empty- headed starlets for the most part--paraded in front of me. I was sick of L.A. and dying a slow death in that house."  
  
"Does Tsukasa know?" he questioned. She nodded  
  
"He was the one who told me to come home."  
  
"I see." It made sense, Tsukasa had been a changed man when he returned from New York. He had most definitely done some growing up. "So what are you going to do? What about your husband?"  
  
"He's agreed to a divorce as long as it's kept out of the papers and that's fine by me because it would be very ugly. I'm so tired now, I'm just glad it's proving to be mostly painless. I get a generous settlement that makes me independent of my family so I can't really complain." Akira looked over at Tsubaki.  
  
"Do you have any regrets?" There was something about the look on her face that said she did and she knew it was written there as plain as day.  
  
She sighed. "I regret the wasted years. If my mother hadn't interfered in my life, things could have…."  
  
"DON'T TOUCH ME!!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!!!"  
  
"What the hell was that?" Akira had been startled by the sudden screaming.  
  
"YUUSUKE!!! YUUSUKE!!!" The screams were followed by loud noises--the sounds of things crashing and smashing. The pair drew to a halt outside the door of the room where the sounds originated.  
  
"YUUSUKEEE!!!!!" This last scream was raw and primal and sent a chill snaking up their backs.  
  
"Should we see what's going on?" Akira asked, stepping forward to open the door.  
  
CRUNCH!!!  
  
"GYAAAAAAA!!!!!" Akira had to bite down on his tongue to stop himself from swearing loud enough for the whole house to hear. What the fuck was happening? He turned around to glare at Tsubaki, suspecting she was the perpetrator, but he found she was looking past him, in front of him. He looked down to see Tama standing there, clutching her cane in a gnarled fist. Now it all made sense. The old woman had whacked him in the shins with the head of her cane.  
  
"Don't interfere. I'll take care of things here," she told them sternly. As Tsubaki opened her mouth to say something, Tama added "And don't argue. If you know what's good for you, you'll go talk some sense into your brother's head before he does something stupid." She stood in front of them, resolute.  
  
"Let's go, Akira," Tsubaki pouted as she led the way to the study--only Tama could make her feel like she was a little girl again.  
  
**********  
  
Tsukasa stood up at once from his place on the sofa when he heard the screams. Eumi squeaked, surprised by the sudden movement. "Did you hear that?" he asked, turning and facing Soujirou and Rui. They could tell by his expression how worried he was. "I'd better go make sure she's okay." His friends sighed as he turned and hurried to the door. Rui spoke as he opened it.  
  
"Don't Tsukasa! Leave them be!" Tsukasa was stopped dead in his tracks by the tone of his friend's voice and swivelled around to look at him. "Shigeru and Yuuki are with her," Rui continued, "they'll take care of her. Besides, it wouldn't be right if you went in there, considering your history." Tsukasa stood quietly in the doorway for a few moments mulling over Rui's statement. He had to admit Rui was right, but it was so damn frustrating to not be able to help the only woman he had ever loved.  
  
**************  
  
Akira limped slowly along the hall behind Tsubaki. "What's with the women in this house?" He groaned as he catalogued his injuries. Tsubaki turned and eyed him.  
  
"Quit your whining, you were hit by an old woman. She's in her eighties, so how strong can she be?" Akira rolled his eyes back and shook his head. He couldn't believe she'd forgotten what she'd done to him. Tsubaki changed the subject suddenly. "Do me a favour, Akira, and don't tell anyone else what I've told you today. It's something I don't want getting around just now." He nodded…..it sounded like he and Tsukasa were the only ones to know about it so far. Did that mean her parents were in the dark?  
  
As they approached the study, they found Tsukasa standing in the doorway, looking thoughtful. Akira grinned as he hobbled by him and made his way to where Soujirou was. "Don't ask." he said as he sat on the end of the desk. Soujirou let out a chuckle at the sight of his friend.  
  
"Tsukasa!" Tsubaki moved over to where her brother was standing and hugged him. He was hesitant at first, as if he expected her to whack him at any given time, but when he realized it was a genuine hug he leaned in towards her and returned the embrace. He was glad she was there, especially now. Despite their feisty childhood they had always been close, particularly over the last few years. Tsukasa had spent time with Tsubaki at her home in Los Angeles when he was going to school in the states and had seen how she lived. Not only had it brought him closer to his sister, it had made him even more determined not settle for a marriage arranged by his mother. It had made him realize it had always been Makino or no-one else. He couldn't imagine how things had been for Tsubaki and was adamant he would not share her fate.  
  
"How are you doing, nee-chan?" Tsukasa asked as her broke away from her grasp. He led her by the hand and, after Rui had picked up Eumi and scooted over to make room, sat beside her on the sofa.  
  
"Funny, I was just going to ask you the same thing." she replied, smiling as Eumi began to fuss and Rui did his best to quiet her.  
  
Tsukasa rested his elbows across his knees. "I'm sure you're aware of what's going on here."  
  
Tsubaki placed a hand on his shoulder, consoling him. "Yeah that twit, Akira, filled me in." Tsukasa couldn't help but smirk at her comment, while Akira could only sigh. Would he ever get any respect?  
  
"I wonder what's going on in there? It's quieter now." Tsukasa stood up, folded his hands behind his back, and began to pace back and forth across the floor.  
  
**********  
  
"Please Tsukushi, we're here to help you, let us help you." Yuuki's gentle touch and pleading voice finally got through to Tsukushi.  
  
"I'm sorry." She finally replied, "I really am. I shouldn't have burdened you with all this." Her shoulders slumped and Shigeru and Yuuki looked at each other. Neither of them had any idea what she was going through so how the hell could they help her?  
  
"Tsukushi, we love you." Shigeru countered. "You aren't a burden! We're your friends, we're here for you." Even though it had been five years since they'd last seen each other, Tsukushi knew Shigeru was sincere. They had always been comfortable with each other, even in the beginning, when they didn't really know what to make of each other.  
  
Yuuki turned around as the door opened, surprised at what she saw. "Ano…Tsukushi, I think there's someone here to see you." she told her friend, tapping on her shoulder to get her attention. Tsukushi turned around and her friends were encouraged to see a smile cross her lips, even if it was for only a split second.  
  
"Makino-san."  
  
"Tama-san….it's been a long time."  
  
"Hasn't it? I understand something terrible has happened." The old woman's bluntness was refreshing. Everyone else seemed like they were skirting the subject, skittish about the whole thing.  
  
"Yuusuke is dead." Tama bowed her head, her intuition confirmed.  
  
"Hanazawa-san, can you do me a favour and bring a tray of food for Makino- san? Go to the kitchen, they'll be able to help you there." the old woman addressed Shigeru. "I'm sure she's quite hungry. When was the last time you ate, Makino?"  
  
"Yesterday morning, I think." Tsukushi replied as Shigeru stood up and made her way to the door.  
  
"Matsuoka-san" Tama pointed at Yuuki, who had begun unpacking the contents of the suitcase she had brought from Tsukushi's apartment. Yuuki stopped dead in her tracks and waited to hear what Tama had to say. "I'd like to have a few words with Makino, alone. I'm sure there are still many things for you to do." Yuuki nodded, understanding she was being dismissed. But the old woman was right--she had lots to do still, and hadn't had a chance yet to check back with Kazuya to see if he'd gotten a hold of Susumu.  
  
"I'll be back in a little while, Tsukushi-chan." she told her friend as she left the room with Shigeru.  
  
**********  
  
Shigeru and Yuuki entered the study. The pair were quiet and sported somber faces. Yuuki went over to the large window behind Doumyouji's desk and stared through it, not really seeing the manicured gardens beyond. Shigeru fell to her husband's side and stared up at him through glassy eyes. Tsukasa immediately began questioning them. "What happened in there?"  
  
"It was so awful." Shigeru's voice cracked as she remembered the state Tsukushi was in.  
  
Yuuki took up the story, still staring unfocused through the window as she spoke. "It finally hit her--she was upset before, but it hadn't really hit her. She just out and out snapped." She whispered, barely audible, as she struggled to fight back her tears. Shigeru continued on with the story when she realized how distraught Yuuki was. She began to tell them what had happened from the time they found Tsukushi at the bottom of the shower until the time Tama had entered the room sent them off with jobs to do.  
  
The atmosphere in the room was grave, everyone held Tsukushi in their thoughts and prayers. Tsukasa finally stopped pacing and sat down at his desk in silent contemplation. He picked a pen up off the blotter in front of him and twirled it between thumb and forefinger as his mind struggled to take in everything he had just heard. He envisioned Tsukushi ransacking the room in her grief and it haunted him.  
  
"There are a lot of things to be done." Shigeru stated suddenly, breaking the silence. "Tama asked me to get Makino something to eat." She hated being idle. If she kept herself busy, she might be able to get Tsukushi's reaction off her mind. At least for a little while. Rui stood up, set Eumi on his hip, and followed his wife. "Someone's been fussing and could probably use a snack. I'll come with you and give you a hand." After they left, Yuuki walked away from the window. She crossed the room and headed for the door, "I have some calls to make." Tsukasa nodded.  
  
"Akira, Soujirou, can you please excuse us, too?" Tsubaki had spoken, "I'd like to speak with Tsukasa…alone!" She met Akira's gaze for a second and Soujirou noticed something unspoken pass between them. What was that?  
  
"Sure, nee-chan." He answered. "Come on, Soujirou, let's go give Yuuki a hand." The pair followed Yuuki, closing the door behind them on the Doumyouji siblings. 


	6. Revelations

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker  
  
(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)  
  
Chapter Six  
  
Revelations  
  
   
  
Tsubaki watched as her brother sat at the desk in silent contemplation. She could read him like a book and knew his thoughts were only of Tsukushi. "Tsukasa, are you alright?" she asked worriedly. A few moments passed before he replied.  
  
"No…No I'm not alright. I thought I could live without her--it's an empty life, but at least it was my choice. After she moved on, I thought I had come to terms with not having her in my life. And now all this happens-- she's here--she's falling apart, and all I can do is sit by and watch her. Do you have any idea what that does to me?" His tone was sharp. "FUCK!!!" Tsukasa slammed his fists onto the desk in frustration. "If only that stupid bitch hadn't interfered with us…if I had just stood up to her instead of backing down and making that promise…if only I'd put my foot down and not let her tear us apart, all this could have been prevented. She would've been happy today…we would've been happy today." He pulled his hands up to his face--repeating the words "We would've been happy…we would've been happy," in a ragged voice.  
  
Tsubaki fell apart at seeing the state her brother was in, it wasn't like him to breakdown like this. She had held herself together with amazing resolve these past few months, keeping all her emotions bottled up tightly inside her, but now his words cut into her like a knife. He was right. Their mother had destroyed both their lives, leaving them empty inside. She thought about the early years of her marriage, back when she was still optimistic she could make things work. When she compared it to how things were now she fell to Tsukasa's side and hugged him tightly, crying with him for a while until he finally broke away.  
  
Tsukasa tried to pull himself together as he stood. Although it was his sister, he was embarrassed he had let anyone see that side of him. He rubbed the tears from his eyes with a careless sweep of his thumb and looked away, not wanting to meet her eyes. Tsubaki was still quite emotional and sat down on the chair Tsukasa had just vacated. She eyed him as he paced the floor again. He was accustomed to staying in control. His thoughts were interrupted as Tama came into the room and his eyes fixed on the old woman when she addressed them.  
  
"Makino has arrangements to make. She'll be going to see Takahiro-san's mother today."  
  
Tsukasa didn't even pause before replying. "I'll take her."  
  
"No! You! Won't!" Tama banged her cane on the floor in time with each word. He was startled she was so adamant. "That's the last thing she needs…take it from someone who knows firsthand." Tama's gaze danced over to Tsubaki. "You will take her." It wasn't a question. Tsubaki nodded in agreement.  
  
"Yes, I'll take her." Tsubaki took a few moments to regain her composure before excusing herself and going to see if Tsukushi was ready.  
  
Tsukasa looked over at Tama in wonder as she slowly made her way to the door. What had she meant by that? When she reached the door, Tama turned and addressed him. "Can you come with me to my room? I have something there I think you should see." The old woman tapped him on the arm with her hook of her cane, signaling for him to follow. He did, because he knew from experience it would be wise to humour her.  
  
*******  
  
Tama went rifling through her closet before she found what she was looking for. She approached Tsukasa and handed it to him. "You may be surprised with what you find in there but I think this will give you a better understanding of everything."  
  
Tsukasa was leery. What could possibly be in that box? He lifted the lid off the small lacquered box and when he saw the contents he looked up at her, eyebrows raised questioningly. "Letters? Why are you giving me letters?"  
  
"You baka!" she scolded. "Look who sent them!" She sounded exasperated. Tsukasa was bewildered when he saw whose name was neatly inked in the corner of each envelope. What was going on here?  
  
"Makino Tsukushi is like a granddaughter to me. She has a fire that reminds me of myself when I was young. I never dreamed I'd show these to anyone, let alone you, but I think you could really use the insight." She walked over to the door "I'm going to get some tea." She said, leaving him alone-- kneeling on the tatami mat with the box of letters on his lap. As she closed the door she muttered something he thought sounded like. "Hopefully he'll get the point."  
  
Tsukasa ran his fingers across the row of letters, dust particles became airborne and danced in the shafts of light escaping round either side of the bamboo blinds at the window. He was amazed…Tama and Makino had stayed in contact over the years. He hadn't known that until now. He picked the bundle of letters out of the box and spread them across the floor in front of him with a fanning motion. Where would he start? He carefully examined the postmarks. "I guess at the beginning." He said aloud, as he picked up the letter with the oldest postmark on the envelope and unfolded it. He walked over to the window and rolled up the blind, leaning against the glass in the morning light to better read what was written there.  
  
Dear Tama,  
  
I was so surprised to hear from you. I wasn't expecting it at all. I hope you don't take that the wrong way because I was so happy when I got your letter. It means you care about me in the same way I care about you--like we're family. How are things with you? Things here are okay, I guess. How is Doumyouji?…………  
  
Makino's most private thoughts were sprawled out on the papers he held and guilt overcame him for a moment--it was like stealing her diary--he couldn't help but continue to read, and as he read, tears fell, blurring the ink where they fell on the stationery. His heart felt as though it has been ripped from his chest. He now understood the devastation she had felt at being turned away by him in New York. She had truly loved him without reserve in the end, but until he'd seen it in writing, he'd only half- believed it, even though he'd often fantasized about it. In the next letter he picked up, he read of the cruelty she'd faced at the hands of Asai and the other classmates when they learned of their breakup and the hell her last year at Eitoku had been when there was no more F4 to keep her safe. He read of the solace she found in Rui, who had been her rock during that time, and was jarred when he read the words she had written about their time together. It was strange to look at Rui with Shigeru and reconcile him with the man Tsukushi wrote about. Should he take solace in the fact that relationship had been short-lived? He read on as she poured her heart out to Tama, telling the old woman Rui had wanted to take things further but at that point her heart had still belonged to one man and one man alone and she turned him down.  
  
In the next letter she wrote about how she had encouraged a relationship between Rui and Shigeru. News had come of Shizuka's recent wedding in Paris and Tsukushi thought her energetic friend would be good for Rui, who had been down in the dumps ever since she'd said no. The news from Paris had depressed him further. Shigeru was from the 'right' family and was so upbeat and lively Rui couldn't help getting pulled along in her wake. He'd taken to sleeping the day away again and needed stimulation to keep him awake. Shigeru definitely had the energy to keep up with the effort it would require. Then there was the fact he was so calm and quiet, he would be a steadying influence on her. It was perfect. They would complement each other like yin and yang.  
  
Tsukasa looked up from the letter, a slight smile on his face as he practically heard the pride in her voice--he'd always wondered how Rui and Shigeru had paired off but had never asked. When he came home from the States to find they were engaged, it had floored him. It was funny to think Makino Tsukushi was the matchmaker and that she'd been right after all.  
  
He picked up envelope after envelope and with each letter he read he noticed the tone was becoming more upbeat, that Tsukushi was happier, stronger. After Eitoku, she went away to university in Kyoto and met a man there, one Takahiro Yuusuke. At first she held him at bay, but with every passing day, Yuusuke replaced the love she had for Tsukasa. He hadn't pushed, but had been patient and contented himself with being a good friend to her. If she needed a partner or escort he was there for her and vice- versa. When he finally worked up the nerve to kiss her, there was something so incredibly sweet about the whole thing it moved her heart. She admitted to Tama that part of her would always love Doumyouji but she was now ready to move on in her life. Yuusuke was attentive, gentle, smart and witty and he cherished her beyond belief. She told Tama how amazing it was to feel safe, secure and loved all at once. Takahiro Yuusuke brought a happiness and stability into her life that Doumyouji Tsukasa could not. After reading Makino's words, how could Tsukasa not feel jealous of the man.  
  
*******  
  
Tsukushi sat quietly as she stared through the tinted window of the limousine. Blurred fields and barren trees zipped by as she focused on the distant mountains. She had traveled on this stretch of road many times before, but the drive had never seemed so long. She thought back on her conversation with Tama earlier that day.  
  
**  
  
"Tsukushi, you must pull yourself together!" the old woman had told her.  
  
"I'm not even sure I know where to begin." she had replied, her voice listless as she struggled to find and ground herself. "I feel so lost right now. I feel so alone."  
  
"Believe me when I tell you there'll be time enough for grieving when he's buried." The old woman had come over to stand next to her and laid one of her rheumatic hands on Tsukushi's shoulder. "Take it from someone who's been there, there's too much you have to take care of right now and you can't afford to fall apart!"  
  
"But he's gone….what am I going to do without him?" Tama had known the depth of Tsukushi's feelings for Yuusuke.  
  
"You will learn to live with it. You can do nothing else. Eventually you'll take time to grieve--after he's buried, mind you. But right now it's more important that you stay strong for the sake of everyone else involved."  
  
"Kaa-san!" Tsukushi suddenly remembered she had yet to break the news to Yuusuke's mother or her own parents either for that matter.  
  
**  
  
Memories flooded her mind, as she recalled the day she and Yuusuke had driven down the coast to see his mother and shared the news of their engagement. As she remembered his excitement a small smile graced her lips, but only for a moment. She had been taken from her dreamlike state when the car door slammed shut. Horror consumed her when she realized the car was no longer moving--they had arrived at their destination, Takahiro Atsuko's home in Odawara. Tsukushi felt sick to her stomach. Panic engulfed her; she couldn't bear the thought of entering that house without Yuusuke by her side. She felt the cool air of the late autumn day surround her as the chauffeur opened the door. She tried lifting her leg over the frame of the limousine but it was frozen. Her whole body was frozen.  
  
Tsubaki leaned in through the door and extended her arm. Although she didn't say anything, her eyes spoke volumes for her. Tsukushi reluctantly took a hold of her hand and stepped out of the car. As her eyes adjusted to the daylight she took in the picture presented by the Takahiro residence, Yuusuke's childhood home. It was a modest, practical house but the grounds were impeccable. A brick wall framed the property, with a simple iron gate at its center. Shrubs and bushes adorned the little rock gardens beneath the windows. The vegetable garden they had harvested just two weeks before lay bare, the soil at the south side of the house turned over and waiting for next spring. The memory of their laughter as the three of them pulled up the vegetables made her dizzy and queasy.  
  
Tsukushi stood for a moment and took a deep breath before finally getting up enough nerve to do what she had come here to do. The walk up the pathway was torturous. Everywhere she looked a vision of Yuusuke flashed in her mind. As they got closer to the door she heard it open. Tsukushi looked up to find Takahiro Atsuko standing before her. The widow's expression was grim as if she'd already known why Tsukushi was there. Tsukushi ascended the final steps and wrapped her arms around her. Her lips quivered as she struggled to find the words. "Kaa-san, I'm afraid I have some terrible news." She burst into tears and the older woman embraced her tightly, slow tears leaking down her cheeks.  
  
**********  
  
Yuuki listened to Kazuya explaining things in that excited chatter of his, amazed he found Susumu. In recent years it had been hard to keep up with Tsukushi's family. One never knew where they'd be living next, what scheme they'd be hatching.  
  
"That'd be great, Kazuya." Yuuki told her friend. "Makino's gone to see Yuusuke's mother in Odawara but she should be back later this evening."  
  
"We'll see you then." The line went dead and Yuuki pressed the 'end' button, clearing the call.  
  
"So what's happening?" Nishikado asked her, having heard only Yuuki's side of the conversation.  
  
"Kazuya's found Susumu and is bringing him over later. They've gotten a hold of Tsukushi's parents and Kazuya wired them the cash to get here by train. They'll be here late tomorrow."  
  
"I'm sure we could go pick them up, that way they wouldn't have to take the train." Soujirou countered.  
  
"They're in Aomori," Yuuki clarified. When Soujirou heard how far north they were, he didn't argue. That was a sixteen hour journey by train.  
  
"I guess we'll meet them at the station, then."  
  
"Do you know where I can find a phonebook in this house?" Yuuki asked them. "I need to look up the number of Yuusuke's clinic. They haven't been told yet, I don't think." Yuuki had remembered seeing the message light flashing on the answering machine when she had been picking up things from Tsukushi's apartment. Had the message been the clinic calling to find out where he was?  
  
"Call directory assistance." Soujirou told her. "It's faster."  
  
"Now, why didn't I think of that! I'm not too swift today, am I?" She rolled her eyes and chuckled briefly, unable to believe the obvious had escaped her, and Nishikado and Mimasaka joined in.  
  
**********  
  
Tsubaki was sitting on a cushion in front of a low table, nursing a cup of tea in her hands. Tsukushi sat to her left, across from Takahiro's mother. She drank in silence, listening to the quiet conversation between the two women and learning a great deal about how Tsukushi's life had changed in the years since they'd last seen each other. This Yuusuke of hers sounded like one hell of a guy. The thought of how much Tsukushi had loved her fiancé made her think again of her own marriage. She'd liked the man her mother had chosen for her well enough, but she hadn't loved him. How could she love someone she didn't really know anything about? The first couple of years they had both tried, but the more they got to know each other, the less they found they had in common. She tuned back into the conversation.  
  
"We have to talk about the funeral arrangements." Tsukushi directed the conversation back to the matter at hand.  
  
"I know," Yuusuke's mother replied softly, "and the real question is whether it should be here or in Tokyo."  
  
"That's your decision." Tsukushi told the woman who should have been her mother-in-law.  
  
"No…it's not my decision. Yuusuke forged a life for himself  away from Odawara. He chose Tokyo, and he chose you."  
  
"Will you come back to Tokyo with us, then?"  
  
"I will. But grant me an hour to gather the things I need."  
  
"Gladly, Kaa-san." Tsukushi replied. "Tsubaki, would you like to take a walk down to the coast?"  
  
"Huh? Um, sure." Tsubaki hadn't expected to be included and was a bit startled by the question.  
  
**********  
  
Tsukasa slouched down onto the floor by the window, gripping Tsukushi's letters in his fist. His mind was working overtime as he imagined Tsukushi and Yuusuke together. He recalled the letter where she described their first kiss and it almost killed him. Without realizing he'd done so, he crushed the letters in his fist. Tsukasa had come to the realization of how intimate their relationship must have been. They had been living together, so it would be only logical they had made love. He was overcome with emotion--anger, rage, jealousy, but most of all, sadness. Yuusuke had been granted the intimacy he wanted so badly but could never attain.  
  
Tsukasa was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't hear Tama enter the room. She had tried getting his attention verbally, but to no avail. Tama did not take kindly to being ignored. She walked across the room, raised her cane up, and proceeded to tap him on the side of his head. Tsukasa stirred at the sudden pain. He looked up at the old woman and snarled.  
  
"Tama, what the hell are you doing?" He was livid. "Why did you show these to me?" Tsukasa pulled himself up from the floor and leered in her direction.  
  
"What are you doing?" she countered. "Yelling at an old woman like that, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Tsukasa calmed down at her statement. He hadn't meant to raise his voice at her--he was crushed by the contents of the letters and the sharp pain in his head hadn't helped.  
  
"G.…gomen!" Tsukasa stammered, bowing his head in remorse. Tama walked back over to shut the door but her eyes followed him to the window. "Why did you show these to me?" he asked, after a few awkward moments passed. "You must have known what these would do to me." His voice was shaking. He relaxed his fists and the letter he was holding fell to his feet. Tama made her way over to where he stood and bent down slowly to pick the letters up.  
  
"I didn't show you them to hurt you...I showed you them to help you." She sighed as she began to smooth the crumpled papers out before folding them up and sliding them back into their envelopes. and putting them back in the lacquered box.  
  
Tsukasa turned to face her, unsure of her words. "Help me?...How can this help me? Knowing what I put her through and how she turned to another. How can that help me, Tama?"  
  
Tama shook her head in disbelief. Could he really be so blind? "Baka...don't you see? She loved you so deeply she couldn't even function. But she came around to Yuusuke in time...because of his patience." She continued. "You're in such a rush to help her that you'll only end up pushing her away. Time. Time is what she needs. Time to heal." Tama walked over to her chair and sat down. She was tiring. "She loved you once, she could love you again....but not if you suffocate her!" Her words sunk into his mind. He understood their meaning. She was right, as always. He knelt down beside her, placing his head in her lap and spoke softly.  
  
"Arigato, Tama....Arigato." Tsukasa was startled once again by a pain in his head. Tama had grabbed him firmly by the hair and trailed him off to the side.  
  
"Kindly get off me.…..I have arthritis, you know!" Tsukasa smiled at the force she displayed.  
  
"Really? I hadn't noticed." He chuckled as he scrambled to his feet and lunged for the door, evading her swinging cane. 


	7. Love me now, forever

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker  
  
(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)  
  
Chapter Seven  
  
Love me now, forever  
  
  
  
"In your kiss it wasn't goodbye.  
  
You are still the reason why.  
  
I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room.  
  
My heart still surrenders like the sun to the moon.  
  
I can barely stand this aching, burning endlessly.  
  
'Love me now, forever,' were the last words you said to me."  
  
   
  
Tsukushi and Tsubaki strolled along the coast in silence, listening to the roar of the waves as they crashed onto the jagged rocks in their unrelenting struggle against the land. It was strange to be here on a cold autumn day. Whenever Yuusuke had been with her, the beach had been warm and inviting, even on a day like today--now, without him standing by her side, it was cold and hostile. Tsukushi wrapped her arms around herself as she felt the chill of the late afternoon sea breeze. She was only wearing a light sweater, as she hadn't thought to grab her coat when she left the house.  
  
"Tsukushi, you're freezing. Why don't we head back?" Tsubaki had stopped and asked, but Tsukushi didn't turn to answer her. She kept walking on ahead crossing the footpath onto the beach in a steady, determined gait. Tsubaki stumbled as she tried to catch up to her. She was wearing high- heeled shoes and they were sinking in the sand with every step she took. Tsubaki bent down and pulled them off--carrying them pinched together, fingers thrust into the toes, as she sped ahead of Tsukushi to block her path.  
  
"Tsukushi! Please, let's go back." She pleaded.  
  
Tsukushi looked at Tsubaki. Her face was sullen again. "That's where he told me he loved me for the first time." Tsukushi pointed to a group of rocks, nestled on the shore. Tsubaki looked past Tsukushi's fingers and took in the romantic scene. "There was a beautiful sunset then, and the ocean was shimmering." Tsukushi choked off as a lump developed in her throat.  
  
***  
  
They were walking along the beach side-by-side, stepping in time with each other. The sun was just setting and it glittered off the water bright and orange like fire dancing along the horizon. "Tsukushi?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, Yuusuke?" Tsukushi turned to look at her companion. He seemed hesitant for some reason.  
  
"I was wondering…did you feel awkward meeting my parents today?" She couldn't help but smile as they scrambled up the rough pathway through the rocks.  
  
"Not at all. They welcomed me and made me feel at home like I was family. They're very nice."  
  
"I'm glad." He fell silent for a second. "Tsukushi, how long have we known each other?" he finally asked. She lifted a finger to her lips as she thought back to the day they had first shared a study table in the main library at Kyoto University. She'd been a freshman at the time, while he was already in Med. School.  
  
"It's been three years now, Yuusuke." She replied, a little puzzled by his line of questioning. "Why?"  
  
"We're good friends, right?" They had finally reached their destination atop the outcropping of rocks at the bottom of the cliff face.  
  
"Of course we are!" Tsukushi replied a little indignantly. "You, Yuuki, Kazuya and Sakurako are all my friends. My best friends!"  
  
"Would you hate me if I told you I want to be so much more than a friend to you?" He drew to a halt next to her. She stopped--surprised at his admission, yet not surprised in the core of her heart at the same time--and looked out at the ocean, watching the sunlight play on the waves.  
  
"No, Yuusuke, I wouldn't hate you." Her reply was soft. He stepped in front of her and lifted her chin so she met his gaze. She stared into his eyes, snared by the intensity of the feelings she saw reflected there. He was handsome--she'd admitted that since the day he'd first befriended her--but she'd always been afraid to get involved with him as more than a just a friend. At first that had been because of her feelings for Doumyouji but eventually she had become afraid of losing the amazing rapport they had built up as friends since they'd first met. She felt butterflies take to wing inside her.  
  
"Tsukushi, aishiteru yo." He told her, his voice low and serious. It sent a shiver up her spine as he leaned in close to her and kissed her gently. He was hesitant at first, kissing her softly as if he was afraid she wouldn't return his affection, but when she melted into his embrace and kissed him back he became bolder, more ardent.  
  
***  
  
The memory was too much for Tsukushi to handle and she sobbed, raising her hands to knuckle away the tears that were starting to spill from her eyes.  
  
Tsubaki placed an arm around Tsukushi. Her own eyes were also filled with tears. "Tsukushi, I'm so envious of you." Tsukushi glanced back at her when she heard her and noticed she too was crying.  
  
"Tsubaki, why?" Tsukushi asked, confused at her last remark.  
  
"Although you've lost Yuusuke, you can at least take comfort in knowing you've experienced love at its deepest level." Tsubaki dabbed the tears from her eyes with a perfectly laundered, lace-bordered, linen handkerchief. Tsukushi knew something had happened to Tsubaki, but she didn't have the energy to delve into it right now, so she just laid a sympathetic hand on Tsubaki's forearm. The two women stood quietly looking out at the ocean in silent camaraderie for a while before going back to Atsuko's home.  
  
**********  
  
A black BMW sped up the driveway of the Doumyouji mansion. It came to a stop outside the front door and two men wearing business suits stepped out from the same side. The driver approached the passenger door of the car to help his wife to her feet. The couple stood there for a moment in awe, gaping at the house standing before them. It had been years since either of them had been there but the impact was the same. The other man strolled up behind them. He was absolutely flabbergasted as he took in the grandeur of the Doumyouji estate. He had passed by it before, but had never realized how spectacular it really was.  
  
"I never thought in a million years, I'd ever come back here." Kazuya commented as he thought about the last time he had been there. That had been back at Eitoku, when Tsukushi had fled to her parents and experienced what it was like to live in a fishing village. Tsukasa had picked him up by the collar and thrown him to the ground. He had threatened to kill him that day, but it hadn't just been him--Doumyouji had threatened to kill everyone if they didn't get out of his sight.  
  
"It seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?" Came her soft reply. She took her husband's hand in her own , squeezing it hard for a second before they proceeded to the door. Kazuya paused briefly before pressing the doorbell and standing back to wait for an answer.  
  
**********  
  
As they sped along the coastal road from Odawara to Tokyo in the limo, Tsubaki sat across from Tsukushi and Takahiro-san and listened to the two women discussing funeral arrangements. They had decided to cremate Yuusuke right after the wake, three days from now. They had also decided on a seven day period of mourning--neither traditional nor modern, just in-between-- with the ashes being brought back to Tsukushi's apartment during that time. Takahiro-san would be staying with Tsukushi until after her son's ashes were interred, not returning home to Odawara until after that time. Tsubaki didn't like the fact that she seemed to be eavesdropping on such a private conversation and tried to tune them out as she stared through the window at the passing landscape. When that didn't work, she decided to phone home and let her brother know they were running late but should be there soon.  
  
**********  
  
After Tsukasa left Tama's quarters, he went to look for the others. He found Yuuki, Soujirou and Akira talking quietly in the sitting room. It had turned out Yuuki had been quite upset at the reaction she had received from the clinic where Yuusuke worked. The accident had occurred right after his shift the previous afternoon and no-one there had been aware of it until her call. She sat in a beautifully stitched brocade chair, her eyes rimmed red from all the crying, and told them what had happened.  
  
Tsukasa informed them that he had heard from Tsubaki via cell phone and that she, Makino and Takahiro-san were on their way back. Yuuki was just about to fill Tsukasa in on her earlier conversation with Kazuya when a maid entered the room to tell them Rui and Shigeru had taken Eumi home and announce there were more guests. Tsukasa followed the maid to the lobby to see who it was. He found a young couple standing there. The woman, whose dark auburn hair was caught up in an elegant French Twist, was well dressed and stood tall, displaying her advanced pregnant state proudly.  
  
"Can I help you?" Tsukasa asked, unsure who these people standing before him were.  
  
"Long time no see, Doumyouji-san!" The young woman spoke jauntily. He focused in on her face. Tsukasa was startled at her voice. He recognized it from somewhere but couldn't quite place from where. He eyed her for a moment before it finally hit him.  
  
"Sanjou Sakurako?"  
  
Sakurako smiled to acknowledge him before continuing. "That used to be my name, Doumyouji. Now I'm known as Aoike Sakurako--I'm sure you remember my husband, Kazuya, from Eitoku."  
  
Tsukasa's jaw dropped at her words. Aoike Kazuya? Kazuya? That little squirt? It couldn't be. Tsukasa studied him. The man who stood before him was very different from the Kazuya he once knew. This man was taller, just a little shorter than himself, well built and quite handsome--a far cry from the wimpy, new-money–boy who entered Eitoku and clung to Makino's side all the time.  
  
"K…K…Kazuya?"  
  
"Konnichi-wa, Doumyouji-san." Kazuya greeted with a slight bow, his voice was deeper, more mature. Tsukasa was astounded. Had Kazuya been working out on a regular basis, or had he just been a late bloomer? As he stood in his own private stupefaction, Tsukasa noticed a third person standing behind the couple, Kazuya began to speak.  
  
"Doumyouji, this is Makino Susumu, Tsukushi's younger brother." Again he was astonished. Susumu had also grown up nicely. He was no longer the annoying kid, the little brother Doumyouji had tolerated just to get closer to Tsukushi.  
  
"Kazuya! Sakurako! Susumu!" Yuuki rushed across the hallway and embraced them when she realized they were there. She was very glad to have them with her as she felt a little strange being alone with Soujirou and the others, even though she had made the initial contact. She still didn't know why she'd done it. She had no idea why she'd thought to phone Doumyouji of all people and bring him and his world back into their lives.  
  
Soujirou and Akira joined Tsukasa in his shocked state. Although they knew Kazuya and his wife were coming over, it was still a shock nonetheless. Yuuki hadn't disclosed the name of Kazuya's wife. Sakurako as an adult was strikingly beautiful as always--it had always went without saying. But the image Kazuya presented was what was throwing them for a loop.  
  
"Is she back yet?" Kazuya questioned.  
  
"No, but they should be here shortly." Yuuki responded.  
  
As she led Kazuya and Sakurako into the living room, Tsukasa, Akira and, Soujirou lingered behind. Tsukasa waited until they were out of earshot before speaking to his friends. "Can you believe that's Kazuya?" He was still a little shell-shocked with Kazuya's new appearance. Akira and Soujirou shook their heads.  
  
No, I can't believe it." Soujirou replied.  
  
"I can't believe he and Sakurako hooked up." Akira retorted. "Who would have thought a player like her would settle down and be happily married." Akira and Soujirou shared a look of disbelief. They both remembered how-- back in the days when they were all still at Eitoku--she had manipulated the two of them into bed under false pretences, one right after another.  
  
"You're just mad because she played your own game with you and won." Tsukasa observed. Soujirou and Akira glared at their friend as the trio joined their new guests in the living room. After a few minutes of catching up with Yuuki, Kazuya felt as though he was being watched. When he turned around , his suspicion was confirmed. Tsukasa was staring at him.  
  
"Is there something wrong, Doumyouji?" He asked. Tsukasa seemed embarrassed at being caught. He shook his head and replied.  
  
"If I were to run into you on the street, I would never recognize you…any of you. I mean that, you know, you've all changed so much." Akira and Soujirou agreed with his statement.  
  
"He's not kidding!" they said in unison. The newly arrived trio grinned. The ice had been broken with his comment and everyone in the room shared a moment of laughter. It felt good to laugh, it was a much needed distraction. Everyone settled down to talk and do some catching up.  
  
Tsubaki came into the sitting room, directed there by a servant, and everyone quieted with her presence. They gazed at the doorway expecting Tsukushi to enter anytime. But she never did. All eyes focused on Tsubaki again, and then to Tsukasa as he fired question after question at his sister. "What Happened? Where's Makino? Is she alright?"  
  
Tsubaki held her hand up in the air signaling for him to cease. "If you give me a second to answer, I will." Tsukasa relaxed a little and gave the floor to Tsubaki. All eyes in the room were intent as she began to tell them of the days events. Tsubaki took a deep breath.  
  
"Tsukushi won't be coming tonight. She asked me to drop her and Takahiro- san off at her apartment. They'll be finalizing the arrangements this evening and she wanted to get Yuusuke's mother settled in." Tsubaki took another breath before going on. "If you ask me, she's holding up rather well considering the circumstances."  
  
**********  
  
Tsukushi and Atsuko stood outside the apartment door. Tsukushi's stomach began to churn as she unlocked the door and pushed it open. The apartment was so quiet it was jarring. Yuusuke usually got home from work before Tsukushi and when she came home she'd hear the sounds of him preparing dinner while soft music played in the background. But now there was nothing- -just an eerily empty apartment.  
  
Atsuko placed her bag in the hallway and stepped down into the sitting room, she immediately went over to the table set at the end of the leather sofa. She picked up the picture of her son and future daughter-in-law that had been taken at their friend's wedding last year. She traced a finger over the image of her son's face. Tsukushi watched as Atsuko brought it to her chest and held it longingly, tears streaking down her face. She knew exactly what Atsuko was going through, but her heart still broke for the older woman. Atsuko had been through this all before when her husband passed away two years ago. Back then she'd at least had her son and his friends to help her through the grief--now she had lost her whole family.  
  
Tsukushi couldn't bear to watch her anymore so she walked around the apartment aimlessly. She stood in front of the patio doors and stared blankly into the night sky for a while, before heading into the kitchen. Something caught her eye in the kitchen. There, on the shelf next to the phone, the answering machine light was flashing. There were two messages. Tsukushi pressed play and the tape rewound to the beginning. Both she and Atsuko froze when they heard the upbeat voice.  
  
"Hi Honey! I'm running late here and I've got a few errands to run. I'll see you about 6:30. Don't worry about dinner, I'll bring something home for us.  Ja ne!  Oh, and in case you forget, you brat, I love you…...and you love me, now……forever!!!!"  
  
*BEEP*  
  
Tsukushi felt lightheaded when she heard Yuusuke's voice. She stifled a sob and gripped the kitchen counter-top to prevent herself from falling backwards. Atsuko, who had heard everything from the living room, quickly returned her son's picture to its place on the end table and rushed over to Tsukushi. They both wore traumatized expressions on their faces. It was too cruel. Why did that message have to be there? Why did they have to hear his voice? The two women stood in the kitchen embracing each other as the second message played.  
  
"Makino-san, this is Detective Ishida from the First Shinjuku Precinct. I'm in charge of the investigation regarding Takahiro Yuusuke's traffic accident. I have the report ready. Please come to the station at your earliest convenience."  
  
*BEEP*  
  
Tsukushi somewhat pulled herself together, enough, at least, to take care of Yuusuke's mother. She brought Atsuko down the hall and helped her to settle into the guest room that also doubled as an office. After turning out the futon and new bedding, she closed the door behind her to give the woman privacy, and went to her own room.  
  
Once there, Tsukushi leaned on the door frame and turned on the light. She gazed at the European-style bed. The blanket was turned down neatly. She flicked her gaze to the night stand. It held a picture of the two of them at Yuusuke's graduation from Med. School. 'He looks so handsome in a suit' she thought to herself, unaware she was referring to him in the present tense. She got undressed and slipped into bed, grieving at how cold it was without Yuusuke there to warm it for her, and hugged his pillow to herself, crying softly into it  
  
   
  
For anyone who's interested, the song that constitutes our opening is called, "The Last Words You Said." From Sarah Brightman's album, Eden. 


	8. Sayonara

Picking Up The Pieces  
  
By: Angela Timchuk and Karen McVicker  
  
(A.K.A. Makino & deDanaan)  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
Sayonara  
  
  
  
"Sunday is gloomy.  
  
My hours are slumberless.  
  
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless.  
  
Little white flowers will never awaken you.  
  
Not where the Black Coach of Sorrow has taken you."  
  
  
  
Two days had passed since Tsukushi had woken to find herself at the Doumyouji estate. It had been a very busy and stressful time for her. Along with Atsuko, she had made all the necessary arrangements as they prepared to host a combined Otsuya/Ososhiki ceremony for Yuusuke. As their apartment was not large enough to cater to a lot of people for the wake and Yuusuke had touched so many lives, they decided to combine the wake and service and hold it at the largest Saijo in Shinjuku.  
  
Tsukushi and Takahiro-san arrived at the Saijo early. They wanted some time alone with Yuusuke for private prayer before the crowd arrived. Both women wore simple black Kimonos symbolizing that their mourning period had begun. The priest greeted them as they arrived and, after expressing his condolences, he went over the formalities of Yuusuke's rite of passage and stressed the importance of his spiritual journey to the afterlife. He accompanied them for a private viewing with Yuusuke. Tsukushi and Atsuko walked arm-in-arm down the aisle between the chairs, as if to prevent each other from collapsing.  
  
Yuusuke's black casket was laid out before them at the far end of the room. Truth be told, it was actually a large hall capable of accommodating a few hundred people. Because of Yuusuke's profile among the medical community, the place would probably be packed to capacity. There was a small altar set up in front of the coffin. It was covered in an embroidered gold cloth adorned with white candles and a double-chambered incense burner. It also held a large picture of Yuusuke. The sweet, heavy smell of incense snaked through the room. White and yellow chrysanthemums and lilies, displayed in tall vases, were set at the head and foot of his casket. A small kneeler with a black velvet cushion atop stood in front of the casket so people could pay their last respects. The priest placed his hands on the lid of the casket and opened it. After laying out the silk padding surrounding Yuusuke, he retreated, giving the women time alone with their beloved. Tsukushi helped the older woman down onto the kneeler. Atsuko bowed her head before reaching for the bowl of incense. After she sprinkled the powdered incense onto the burner, she bowed again and began counting off prayers for her son on her beads.  
  
Tsukushi couldn't take her eyes off Yuusuke. He was dressed in a green and gold traditional Haori jacket over black pleated Hakama. The gold braided knot completed the ensemble. She thought back to when they had gone shopping for it just a few short weeks ago. It was what he should have worn for their wedding. They had decided on a traditional Shinto ceremony --a ceremony that would never come to pass.  
  
***  
  
"So, tell me again….how is it that you can come with me to pick out my outfit, but I'm not allowed to see yours?" Yuusuke was laughing at the indignant look on his fiancée's face as Tsukushi pushed him through the doors of the boutique.  
  
"That's just the way things are. You don't get to see it until the day of our wedding." She paused for a second before continuing, "On the other hand, if I wasn't here to help, you'd probably buy something garish. I swear, you and Kazuya must talk fashion. It's no wonder us girls have to come along. Someone's got to keep you out of trouble with the fashion police." Even though she was chiding him, she was smiling. He really wasn't as bad as Kazuya, but sometimes she had to wonder.  
  
She leafed through a legal magazine she had brought along in her bag as she waited for him. When he finally came out to model for her, he flashed a winning smile. She was stunned. He looked so handsome and proud standing in front of her, her heart swelled at the sight. "Oh, Yuusuke," she breathed, "that's perfect!"  
  
***  
  
And now he lay in his coffin wearing it. Tsukushi closed her eyes and swallowed down the tears that had suddenly bubbled up again. Her fingers played with the loose ring she was wearing on the middle finger of her left hand.  
  
Atsuko stared at her son. He looked so beautiful, his face serene like it had been all those years she'd snuck into his room when he was a child to watch him sleep. She kept wishing he would open his eyes, that he'd just be sleeping, for all this to be a bad dream. But it was real--a reality she couldn't bear. Atsuko rose up from the kneeler and stood by her son. His hands were folded across his chest and she placed hers on top. She cringed at their coldness and began to weep, her fragile resolve to be strong shattered. Tsukushi placed her hand on Atsuko's shoulder before kneeling down next to her to pray. Their wasn't anything either of them could do to soothe the other's pain. The priest kept a watchful eye on them from his post at the door.  
  
**********  
  
Tsukasa stood in front of the mirror adjusting the knot in his tie--he was having trouble with it today. His mind wandered, and again Tsukushi occupied his thoughts. What was she doing right now? He had worried himself sick about her over the past two days. He hadn't seen Tsukushi since the morning after the accident. He'd been afraid to call, but wouldn't admit that to anyone if they asked. Fortunately, Yuuki had been his Godsend as she'd kept in contact with him by phone to keep him filled in on how Tsukushi was doing and what the particulars of the wake and funeral arrangements were. Still he couldn't keep Tsukushi off his mind, she invaded his every thought.  
  
Tsukasa looked in the mirror again and sighed with frustration. "Stupid tie." He muttered as he walked away from the mirror, giving up on the knot. He grabbed the black Armani blazer from the ornate bench at the base of his bed and slipped it on as he headed downstairs to the sitting room. Tama and his sister, both dressed in sober black dresses and overcoats, were waiting there for him. Tsubaki immediately approached her brother and began fussing at his collar.  
  
"You still haven't figured these out yet? How on earth do you dress yourself for work?" She questioned teasingly, as she perfected the knot. Tsukasa shrugged his shoulders. Normally a comment like that would have provoked a snappish response but he wasn't paying much attention and his mind wandered off again. Tsubaki laid off the jokes, knowing from his mood that her brother was in no shape for them. After a few moments of small talk between Tsubaki and Tama, Tsukasa snapped out of his dazed state and led the two women outside to the limousine that would take them to the Saijo.  
  
**********  
  
Atsuko made her way over to see the priest, leaving Tsukushi alone with Yuusuke. After she was finished praying, Tsukushi stood up and stared at him and again. She inched her way forward and extended her arms. She draped herself across his chest and stared up at his face. Her eyes widened as she was horrified once more by the lack of movement in his chest--a chest she had lain on numerous times before, comforted by his heat, steady heartbeat, and gentle embrace. But now there was no heartbeat and no warmth, there was no hand reaching to pull her close. All there was now was the chill of death, radiating through his wedding clothes. She gripped the collar of his Haori and started to cry aloud. "Why did you have to die, Yuusuke? Why did you leave me alone?" She questioned him with pleading eyes, awaiting an answer she knew could never be given. Her features crumpled and she buried her face in his chest, soaking the Haori with her tears. Her muffled sobs could be heard throughout the hall.  
  
She thought back to yesterday, when she had gone to get the accident report from Detective Ishida.  
  
***  
  
"Makino-san," Detective Ishida greeted as he met her in the lobby of the station. Tsukushi bowed and nodded.  
  
"Hai. And this is Takahiro Atsuko, Yuusuke's mother."  
  
"Thank you for coming. Please follow me." He led them through a gate, down a corridor and through a doorway to a small, cluttered office--moving in front of them to lift a pile of case files off the chairs so they could have a seat. "Please." He motioned to the newly cleared chairs before turning to deposit the files he held on top of an already high stack of paperwork teetering dangerously on one corner of the desk. Tsukushi and Atsuko sat down as Detective Ishida rummaged around on his desk, looking for something. "Ah, here it is," he said in a voice that held no pleasure in what it had found.  
  
He held a beige file folder. Tsukushi found herself tranced, watching his hands as they opened it with a horrified fascination. She was absolutely dreading its contents.  "Here." The detective lifted a piece of paper out of the folder and handed it to her. She wasn't sure she should take it. She didn't know if she really wanted to read what was written there. "The details are all here." He suddenly noticed the look on her face. "If you want, I can read it for you."  
  
"No thank you. We'll read it for ourselves." She reached out with trembling fingers and took the paper from him. The detective watched in silence as her eyes flicked across the words written there. He watched her features crumple as she raised her hand to cover her mouth and passed the paper over to Yuusuke's mother. When Atsuko had finished reading, she handed the report back to the detective. He thanked her and laid it face down in the folder. "There's more here, such as photos from the scene and eyewitness accounts…." He trailed off as Makino met his gaze. There was something in her eyes that made him hand the whole folder over to her without another word.  
  
"Thank you," she told him, as she shuffled through the papers and photographs. She winced as she came across a photograph of the accident scene. Yuusuke's car had been completely totaled by a speeding truck that had run a red light.  
  
One line from the report kept jumping into her mind. 'SUBJECT WAS STILL ALIVE WHEN EMERGENCY CREWS ARRIVED.' She couldn't even fathom it. What had the last few minutes of his life been like? The accident had happened at the busiest intersection in Shinjuku and the Emergency Response Unit had been there quickly--but Yuusuke had been trapped and they'd had to wait for the crew to arrive with the jaws of life to free him from the wreckage. His life had bled out of him before their very eyes.  
  
There was another photograph of the wreckage. This picture had been taken at the precinct's motor vehicle compound and showed the interior of the car. What a mess it was. The thing that jarred her about the whole thing was that the shattered and bloody interior of the car was strewn with rose petals. He had been bringing home a bouquet for her as way of apology for being late. As if she would have minded. She stared at the picture, disturbed by the image captured there in vivid colour.  
  
"Oh, Yuusuke," she had sighed.  
  
***  
  
After a while, Tsukushi felt two hands at her sides. She lifted herself from Yuusuke to find her mother behind her. "MAMA!" she called and threw herself into her mother's arms, holding the older woman tightly. After a second of hesitation, as if she hadn't expected it, her mother hugged her back almost as fiercely. When she opened her eyes she saw her father and brother standing off to the side, afraid to interrupt the intimate moment between mother and daughter. Tsukushi released her mother and went over to them, embracing them simultaneously. She hadn't spent much time with them since they'd gotten in from Aomori because she'd been so busy organizing everything and they were staying with Susumu. Under the current circumstances she had been unable to give them a proper welcome, but she knew they understood.  
  
"Ohayo, Mama, Papa, Susumu." Tsukushi spoke behind a false smile.  
  
"Tsukushi, I know we've said it before but we are so sorry about Yuusuke. What can we say except he was a fine man." Mama continued. "Our one regret is that we didn't get the chance to know him better."  
  
"It's okay, its not like we lived close by." Tsukushi replied, hugging them tight and granting forgiveness. "And the road runs both ways, you know. We could have come to visit you more often too."  
  
"I remember the last time we were all together," Papa spoke, "it was back in September at your Yui-no. I remember thinking how lucky we were to have a nice guy like Yuusuke for a son-in-law." Tsukushi closed her eyes, her heart wrenching as she remembered her engagement celebration. Her knees went to water under her and she trembled. Her parents saw this and Papa led her to a chair and sat next to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he tried his best to console her. She was still his little girl no matter what age she was and it hurt him to see what she was going through. Atsuko came over from where she had been standing, talking to the priest, to pick up Tsukushi's hand in her own and stroke it with her thumb for a few minutes, offering what little comfort she could.  
  
Just outside the doors to the hall the priest welcomed the mourners as they began arriving in large numbers. Tsukushi and Atsuko headed for the entrance to join him and customarily greet everyone as they arrived. They stopped next to a table with many small boxes of tea and envelopes stacked neatly on it. Rui and Shigeru were among the first to arrive. Kazuya and Sakurako stood directly behind them. The foursome bowed to Tsukushi and Atsuko before placing their Koden envelopes in the basket. Tsukushi and Atsuko handed them thank-you cards and a gift of tea and the couples seated themselves a few rows behind Makino's parents.  
  
Tsukushi and Atsuko greeted a long procession of people, all sharing the same sentiment on how wonderful Yuusuke was and the sadness of his untimely passing. Yuuki and Makiko arrived together. It had been a little while since Tsukushi had talked to Makiko, but she was truly glad to see her old high-school friend. The young women offered their condolences with hugs.  
  
The next group of people to arrive were Yuusuke's co-workers from the clinic. They were a tight-knit bunch who socialized outside of work and knew Makino well. Tsukushi stood numbly as they spoke to her, telling her how shocked and upset they were by the events of the last few days. Finally that was over and she found herself facing Yuusuke's best friend, Saionji. His eyes were serious as he took her hands in his own and squeezed them in greeting and support. She had gone to see him yesterday, after finishing up with the accident report and they'd ended up talking for a few hours about everything that had happened. Before she left, she had asked him to give the Eulogy. He hadn't known what to say so he just nodded instead.  
  
"So?" she asked him, not needing to elaborate further.  
  
"I've written something, but I can't promise I'll get through it."  
  
"Thank you for doing this for us, Saionji."  
  
**********  
  
Tsukasa helped Tama out of the limo. She seemed a little upset at having needed his assistance but didn't protest aloud. Tsubaki brought her into the Saijo ahead of Tsukasa, who had decided to wait around in the parking lot when he saw Akira's car arrive.  
  
"Makino." Tama greeted as she shuffled slowly into the hall.  
  
"Tama-san, Tsubaki, thank you for coming." Tsukushi replied with a slight smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Tama, this is Takahiro Atsuko, Yuusuke's mother. Okaasan, this is Tama, an old friend….."  
  
Akira parked his Porsche and made his way over to where Doumyouji stood. He also was dressed in a black suit and his long wavy hair was neatly tied back in its usual ponytail. After a few minutes, Soujirou joined them and they found themselves talking.  
  
"Is it just me, or is it weird being at a funeral for someone we didn't know?" Soujirou asked his friends.  
  
"Yeah, but we're here for Makino's sake, Soujirou." Akira rebutted. "We're here to show our support. Think about it--he was only a few years older than we are and it seems surreal that he's dead when he had so much going for him. It doesn't make sense, he had his whole life in front of him…..I can't imagine what she's going through."  
  
"I can." Tsukasa replied. He turned his back on his friends, preventing them from seeing his saddened expression.  
  
Soujirou and Akira stared at him and then each other. What did he mean by that? They decided not to press the issue and changed the subject. Tsukasa didn't add anything further to their conversation, he motioned for the duo to go in ahead of him. Once alone, he fumbled with something in the inside pocket of his blazer, before proceeding into the hall.  
  
Makino stood ahead of him, accompanied by an older woman he didn't recognize. She was talking softly to Akira. Tsukasa came to the conclusion that the woman must be Takahiro-san, Yuusuke's mother. He noted Makino's pale complexion. The only colour in her face was in her eyes, swollen and red-rimmed from crying and lack of rest. Her long hair was meticulously restrained in a bun. Here…now…with her hair pulled back and her face strained, he caught a glimpse that reminded him of the girl he had said good-bye to in New York eight years ago. Suddenly it was his turn and he bowed before them, taking their hands in his own to convey his remorse. Tsukasa reached into his pocket and pulled out the Koden envelope, placing it in the basket. Susumu documented his donation, his eyes widening at how ornate the envelope was. Doumyouji then entered the main room and seated himself between his sister and Akira.  
  
With the ceremony close to beginning, Tsukushi and Atsuko took their seats directly in front of Yuusuke, even though the Saijo was still being filled with mourners arriving at the last moment. Tsukushi looked behind her, she knew how much Yuusuke was admired, but even so, it startled her a bit to find the hall was filled to capacity. She scanned the sea of faces. Yuusuke's friends sat near the center, his closest friend, Saionji wept as he went over the Eulogy he had prepared. Their co-workers were all present. Even some of their professors from University had assembled. But what surprised her the most were the unexpected faces there from her past. Amon was standing alone near the back of the room, Kin-san, seated not far in front of him….and was that Junpei and Yoshimatsu? She didn't remember any of them arriving. They hadn't known Yuusuke. Where they here because of her? She turned her attention back to the priest as he began chanting prayers.  
  
All through the service, Tsukasa watched an emotional Tsukushi. Saionji addressed the bereaved, giving them a closer glimpse into Yuusuke's life and the man his friend had been. Tsukushi laughed through her tears at some of the antics he and Saionji had pulled and the trouble they had gotten themselves into when they were younger. She smiled and cried about their own memories as they were retold. Saionji went on to tell the congregation how proud Yuusuke had been to have Tsukushi become his wife. It was a wonderful tribute to his friend and Tsukushi hugged him when he finished his speech. Tsukasa sat quietly, mulling over everything he had just heard. It seemed Yuusuke had been everything he wasn't.  
  
The priest directed the congregation to come pay their final respects in a moment of prayer. Makino's parents began the ritual. They bowed before Tsukushi and Atsuko, and then to Yuusuke. First they each picked up the incense and sprinkled it over the burner, repeating the custom twice more. Then, one at a time, kneeled in prayer before him. They returned to their seats to await the priest's final prayer. Soon a line had formed that extended through the exterior of the temple. Tsukasa found himself somewhere in the middle. He could hear the cries of those who had known and loved this Yuusuke. Before long, it was his turn to pay respect to Yuusuke. He felt very awkward. As he approached the casket he observed him closely. This was the man Tsukushi loved so deeply. He knelt down after sprinkling the incense, but didn't really know what he should pray for. He bowed his head and thanked Yuusuke for bringing Tsukushi such happiness and prayed for the man's safe journey to the next plateau. He bowed again and seated himself, watching the procession of Makino's and Yuusuke's grief stricken friends pass by him slowly.  
  
Before it was time to close Yuusuke's casket, the priest chanted the final prayer and gave Tsukushi and Takahiro-san a moment to say their final good- byes. Atsuko stroked her son's face for the last time, and placed a kiss on his forehead. Tsukushi leaned over Yuusuke, weeping. She kissed him softly on his lips and, as she did, she slipped the ring off her middle finger, the ring that was to have been his wedding band, and set it in the coffin next to him. She lingered there for a long time, drinking his features in for one last time and whispering in a broken voice. "Aishiteru yo, Yuusuke.  Sayonara...." Atsuko tugged at her kimono in order to get her to stand back and allow the lid to be put back down. The priest then offered each of the women a rock so they could help him hammer the lid shut. Tsukushi had to bite her lip to keep herself from sobbing aloud as she knocked the pin into the lid blow by blow.  
  
Tsukasa closed his eyes and lowered his head, gripping his trousers until the material bunched in his closed fists. Tears streaked down his face. It hurt him deeply to see her so upset. There were no words he could say to ease her pain. He felt utterly useless. Akira looked over at his friend. He knew Makino's reaction would be hard for Tsukasa. Tsubaki reached over, took her brother's hand and squeezed it in her own. It was the only thing she could do for him now.  
  
**********  
  
"Can you bring me the Tokyo papers?" The request was granted as a middle aged man placed it a stack of newsprint on the desk.  
  
"Ano...I'm afraid they're from two days ago." he replied, wincing a little, as he anticipated an angry reaction.  
  
"That's fine." Came the quiet answer. It was time to enjoy an early morning coffee and croissant. It was nice to have few moments of peace in an otherwise hectic day to be able to catch up on the news from home.  
  
She raised her cup to her mouth, savouring its aroma and taste, but as she read she sputtered and began choking, shocked at the name she found in the headlines. Why was it so familiar?  
  
She analyzed the article more carefully. 'Celebrated pediatrician killed in car wreck.' As she read on further, she realized why the name Takahiro Yuusuke had been so familiar. He was the man who was to marry that troublemaker, Makino Tsukushi.  
  
Makino Tsukushi, how she despised that girl. Her thoughts turned to her son and how that worthless drain mouse had tainted him. Even though she'd been out of her son's life, that woman still influenced him. He had refused to entertain even one of the matches she put forward over the years. She put the paper down on the desk and pressed the intercom button. "Nishida-san, come in here right away, we have some rather important business to attend to."  
  
The look on Doumyouji Kaede's face changed from the shock she'd initially experienced to a look of absolute contempt. With elbows on the desk, she steepled her fingers together in front of her and thought about how to handle the situation. No doubt about it, that girl would become an unwanted factor in her son's life again.  
  
  
  
_____________________  
  
(The lyrics at the beginning of the chapter are from the song "Gloomy Sunday" from Sarah Brightman's album "La Luna") 


End file.
